If not for the skinny jeans…

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as well as my resolve it seems. 

I have been naughty, indulging on oreos and other sweets.  Cookies always were, and probably always will be, my nemesis.  Will power???  What’s that?! 

I have really let my goals go and have been putting myself at the bottom on my priority list.  They say the first step to getting over a problem is admitting there is a problem.  I rarely go to the gym about it, get frustrated with myself, attempt to justify it with my horrendous school work load, and then eat.

I got on the scale recently and was not happy.  While it is only a few pounds gained, it was enough to for me to go, something has to stop.  I’m still trying to figure this out.  Obvious, cookies need to stop mysteriously  coming into my house!  (Just yesterday, I got ding dong ditched and the culprit left a WHOLE BOX OF OREOS!)  I’ve got a unit party coming up and the theme is a cookie exchange.  I feel like I need to go in there with duct tape over my mouth!

I have always been a stress/emotional eater.  It’s a horrible coping mechanism.  I’m hoping that once this semester calms down I’ll be able to center again and find out and plan exactly what I need to do to get back on track.

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If you’re anything like me, you’re overwhelmed with all the news for various foods and the benefits and risks of consuming.  Eat this, drink that, lose weight, improve your heart, reduce your chances for disease….

I’ve got extremist friends on either side of the nutritional realms.  I’ve got some that say they’re going to enjoy life and eat and drink whatever they want, however much they want.  Then the others that have researched every single food out there and refuse to eat anything that has been touched by man (except to be picked out of the ground).  The majority of my friends though are like me… somewhere in the middle.  I do tend (and try) to lean closer to my more “holistic” friends, but I’ll still eat fast food, drink beer, and have cake at a birthday party.

That being said, I do get irritated when people question what I am, or not, eating.  I know what works for me.  I know what makes me feel yucky (dairy) and I know what things my belly can handle.  I know whether or not what I’m eating will help or hinder my health goals.  My choices.  My life.  I don’t want to research all the bad stuff.  If it were THAT bad it wouldn’t be on the market.  Are there better options?  Pretty positive there are, but I’ve made it this far so I’ll be okay.

I’m glad I’ve had a bit of a break.  I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a couple of fitness competitors, and know, with unwavering certainty, that is NOT for me.  I do have a body fat goal I’d like to meet, but it’s well outside of competition standards.  Watching my macros as meticulously as they need to… well that’s just a pain in the ass to be honest.  I’m not tracking my foods.  I am trying to keep things whole, with a bit of processed in there for convenience.  I do get a sense of satisfaction creating a meal that is wholesome that I made from scratch.

I am fortunate that I do not have any real dietary restrictions.  I can eat gluten and dairy.  I don’t have any food allergies.  My nutrition is for my overall health.  And I know what works for me.

–Have you added or cut anything from your daily diet in attempts to increase your nutritional health?

Hello out there!!  First, sorry for not being on top of my little blog.  I started school full time and well, it’s just a wee bit harder (and more time consuming) than I thought I’d be.  For those interested, I am working towards a Bachelors of Science in Mathematics, with a concentration in general mathematics and education.  Long title, simple meaning… I’m striving to be a high school math teacher 🙂  Right now my classes are economics, astronomy, calculus (2), and the foundations of mathematics.

My course load and family life have unfortunately made my health goals start to fall by the wayside.  Luckily I haven’t gained any weight, but my motivation is basically non-existent.  That is, until last week.

I started looking through some of my older pictures and saw how fit I had gotten.  I could definition in places there had NEVER been definition.  I had curves in all the “right” places.  I looked, and better yet, FELT, amazing!  I also looked at some of my “before” pictures.  I realized I’m only a donut, candy piece, or pizza slice away from “treats” becoming habits.  I let myself indulge with my husband, and now I’m feeling the effects, both mentally/emotionally and physically.

I’ve started a satellite program with Nick.  He’s my go-to!  I will always trust his judgement.  I’ve got my goals and what better time frame to strive to reach them then while overcoming the holiday “obstacles”??  I have actually joined a DietBet that is 6 months long.  Essentially, you are betting on yourself that you will lose the x% of bodyweight by the given date.  For this challenge, or bet, its 10% in 6months, or roughly 15 lbs for me by May.  It’ll hold me accountable, and at this point, I need all the help I can get!!

How do you get over your slumps??

Well, I’m coming up on being on phentermine for a week now. I’ve lost about 7 pounds. That’s honestly a little too quick for me, so I’m going to start taking a half dose everyday. It has seriously curbed my appetite, which is good and bad. I don’t snack at all anymore, which is good. But I also have next to no appetite so I’m not eating enough at each meal either. That latter reason is more of the reason I’m going to drop the dosage to half.

I still haven’t made it into a gym and to be completely honest I doubt I will go to the gym before school starts. On a plus side though, UTSA has a great weight room!!! I’m looking forward to getting back in there! I have set up a little fitness area in my bedroom that include a yoga mat, resistance bands, two different size stability balls, a Pilates circle, two jump ropes, numerous DVDs, and my foam roller. I’ve been getting some sort of workout in a few days a week, but nothing like I was before. I can already see and feel a difference in my body from not lifting, and it sucks. At this point though, something is better than nothing, and since I can’t really attack my workouts like I want to, I’ve put a lot of focus on my nutrition and making sure I’m eating as clean as I can.

In other news:
1. A coral snake decided to join my daughters and I yesterday morning while we were enjoying the morning outside. For those of you who don’t know what a coral snake is, it’s venomous. It’s often mistaken for the king snake because they are patterned similarly. Red, yellow and black rings. Thank god I remembered the old rhyme! “If red touches yellow, you’re a dead fellow. If red touches black, it’s a friend of jack.” Animal control wasn’t able to get it out of its hiding spot, so I’m still in no rush to go in our backyard.
2. The goob is all signed up for kindergarten. Where have the last almost SIX YEARS gone?!
3. Link will be coming home soon. Not super soon, but the countdown has started!

I have been having some issues recently with body image and weight and motivation. I have friends who are very supportive and will do everything they can to help me. I have friends who don’t really “get it” and try to be supportive but don’t really know how. I have friends who are jealous of my successes and have openly told me so. I have tried to be as honest in this blog as I can be. I’m a work In progress and I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s always going to be.
What I don’t like it how low I think of myself on a daily basis. No number of compliments will break this feeling of I’m constantly letting myself down. The guilt I feel on any given day is ridiculous. I’m a work in progress. I am not looking for compliments. I am trying to get my brain to do this major switch that it just doesn’t seem to want to do. Yea, part of this is from my weight. But only part.
While unpacking, i found my still good prescription for phentermine. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an appetite suppressant. I am not one who believes in the magic pill. But, I do believe it will (and has) given back to me my lost motivation. So, I’ve decided that since I am not training at the level/intensity I was training at before, I am going to finish my prescription. There will be nay-sayers, but this is my choice. I’m at an all too familiar feeling of “I can’t lose weight past 155lb.” I know I’m capable of losing it, now I just need to figure out how to get there.

Hello out there!!  Sorry it’s been a while!  I’ve been using the past two weeks to move half way across the county, move into my new house, and show my cousins around the wonderful city of San Antonio!

In order to spare you some reading, I’ll just kinda bullet the things worth mentioning…

  • Since getting here, I’ve noticed a significant loss of “poofiness” in the lower belly area.  I attribute it to the lack of sweets and snacky foods at my house.
  • I haven’t been to the gym since the day before I moved and it’s driving me crazy!  I’m pretty sure I’ve found my next gym, but I won’t be able to start up with them until school starts because of day care issues.  I’ve already asked Nick for some ideas and I’m pretty sure I can use this time to find out if I love the stuff on Blogilates as much as I think I will.
  • I have pulled myself from the marathon in November.  Two reasons for this: (1) I don’t have the child care resources to get in the runs I need to train appropriately and (2) I don’t have the drive I once did to complete it.  I will still be running, and once I have the child care, my mileage is going to go up considerably, but I know I won’t be marathon ready.  It was a hard decision for me, but I know it’s best to hold off this year, and then kill it next year (hopefully).
  • Going grocery shopping in considerably easier to do when you have nothing to start with!  I can really set my nutritional goals and so far, it’s been working.  We’ve eaten out a few times, but not nearly as much as I could be lol
  • I am absolutely in love with my house!
  • My sleep schedule is all jacked up and has been causing issues for me during the latter half of the day (like concentration, focus, mood changes) so it’s something I’m working on.  I do think part of the problem though is that I haven’t been getting out the extra energy that my body had gotten used to producing for my trainings with Nick.

I think that covers the big things so far.  Leave your questions/comments below!  I know some of this is kinda vague, so just ask whatever’s on your mind, or just share some love!

–Being fit isn’t a goal, it’s a lifestyle.

Before you read any further, you can rest assured this is not a debbie-downer post.  🙂  (It’s also not my most upbeat post either) (also, it may seem similar to my last post, but this is more about the why’s)

If you’ve been following along for a little bit, you’ll remember this post.  I can say without a doubt that it was during that one meal that all my motivation went out the window.  And then it snowballed.  One thing after another, after another.  It sucked.

I had a wonderful vacation and even found my new house!  But, honestly, things just never picked up to how they were.

I can’t say for certain what happened in my noggin, but whatever it is, it has been damn near impossible to fix.  (Notice I said “near”)

Sitting in my bed last night, chatting with one of my besties, I realized what my problem was, and then had my thoughts spoken for me by my trainer.  My emotions have gotten all out of whack.  I am a very emotional person, whether or not I show it.

I have been within the same 10 lb range since January.  My jean size had dropped to a 6, and I’m now back at an 8.  I am constantly comparing myself to strangers, and even worse, my friends.

I realized last night that my mentality had completely shifted, and not for the good.  “I’m just gonna gain it all back so why not eat that brownie/cake/cookie/extra slice…” (you get the point)  I’m glad I’m realizing this now instead of AFTER I would have gained the weight.

I’ve acknowledged that I’m at a motivational/emotional low point in my journey.  I’ve said on more than one occasion that motivation is not a stagnant idea.  It waxes and wanes like the moon.

Just to put this down on paper though, I think these are some of my triggers:

1. I set my expectations higher than I was willing to work for

2. The stress from the upcoming move (next week, eeeek)

3. It’s summer break and I’m not used to having to entertain both of my kids at the same time

4. I’m already feeling like I’ll be “lost” without Nick… 

5. I’m nervous I will gain the weight back since I seem to found a “comfortable” weight

6. I’m frustrated that I have to work so hard and either (a) those around me don’t appreciate my efforts or (b) those around me aren’t supporting my lifestyle that I’m TRYING to live…

7. I’m currently watching my two kiddos (ages 1 and 5) as well as my nieces (ages 3 and 7) and getting enough exercise in as well as the right foods is way harder than I thought it would be

I’m hoping that I can get back on track once things have settled down.  There are only so many things that are in my control that I have to learn how to deal with the things that I can’t control.  My marathon training starts Tuesday… and yes, I’m very nervous about it.  One of my biggest stressors about that is that I’m supposed to run my first 6 miles the same day I am to start the move…  I do know that if I’m not going to make it far at all in this training if I don’t change some things though.  

**I’d love to hear your comments/stories about any setbacks you had and how you overcame them!**

While at the gym the other day with Nick, I could see that I had gained weight.  I hadn’t realized that it had gotten that bad.  I was looking at myself thinking, “oh god… have i seriously killed months of hard work just by not paying at much attention??”  I already know how much nutrition is as far as getting fit, and I honestly didn’t think I had gotten so far away from my 80/20.  So I went ahead and weighed myself.  

WHOA!

158 lbs 😦

Now, is that number making me depressed?  Am I saying I am a failure because I’ve gained weight? No and no.

It was a wake up call.  As I’m writing this, I’m making mental notes to repair my slip-ups.  I know that things have been way off schedule for me since Link’s visit in May, but for a while I was still able to manage.  Actually, while he was here, things were great.  It was after that that things started to fall apart.  I saw the signs and didn’t act on it.  Now, I’ve fallen much farther into this “pit” and I’m telling you know, I will climb back out.

I may be covered in mud and exhausted, but I will find my way back out.  I may be frustrated and grabbing for every single branch that lends it’s way towards me, but I will get out.  My nutrition will get back to normal and I will start feeling healthy again.

On a side note: My marathon training starts next week and to tell you I’m nervous doesn’t even start to come close to how I’m feeling about it.  The mileage is 3/3/3/6.  I know I’m not running for time, but I’ve never run over 6 miles.  There will be lots of mental struggles involved with this run.  With this training comes even more reason to fix my nutrition.  I can’t run at my best if I’m not fueling my body with the best fuel I can.

It didn’t, and still doesn’t, feel like much has changed, physically in a year.  Here’s proof that I and my dear friend over at Road to Recovery have both changed.  Now, if only there were a way to see the mental and emotional changes that occurred too!!

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taken July 2012

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taken June 2013

My father loves his garden.  Not so much to eat the goodies that grow, but more just to watch them grow period.  He does have favorites that he will eat like cucumbers and tomatoes, but everything else is more for show.  This year, with my lifestyle changing as much as it has, I asked him if the Goob and I could plant a few things this year.  He was more than happy to accommodate 🙂  The garden, in my opinion is huge… and I love it!  I love getting in there and watching the flowers turn to fruits.  I love the smell of the tomato plants.  I could care less about how dirty I get when I’m in there.  The Goob seems to enjoy it just as much as me, but she’s a little more squeamish about the little buggies that hang out in there.

I decided it was beyond time to show my families garden with all of you wonderful people.  I am so excited to have had this experience, and I know it’s one I’m going to continue once we move.

Contents of the Garden: Beefsteak tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, jalepeños, habeñeros, green and red bell peppers, a peanut bush, lettuce, zucchini, squash and eggplant.  (I think that’s all of them!)

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first harvert from the week of 6/27/13

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the Garden is overseen by the scarecrow…

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… and an owl

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first eggplant of the season

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second harvest from the week of 7/4/13

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my lettuce


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