If not for the skinny jeans…

Archive for August 2013

Well, I’m coming up on being on phentermine for a week now. I’ve lost about 7 pounds. That’s honestly a little too quick for me, so I’m going to start taking a half dose everyday. It has seriously curbed my appetite, which is good and bad. I don’t snack at all anymore, which is good. But I also have next to no appetite so I’m not eating enough at each meal either. That latter reason is more of the reason I’m going to drop the dosage to half.

I still haven’t made it into a gym and to be completely honest I doubt I will go to the gym before school starts. On a plus side though, UTSA has a great weight room!!! I’m looking forward to getting back in there! I have set up a little fitness area in my bedroom that include a yoga mat, resistance bands, two different size stability balls, a Pilates circle, two jump ropes, numerous DVDs, and my foam roller. I’ve been getting some sort of workout in a few days a week, but nothing like I was before. I can already see and feel a difference in my body from not lifting, and it sucks. At this point though, something is better than nothing, and since I can’t really attack my workouts like I want to, I’ve put a lot of focus on my nutrition and making sure I’m eating as clean as I can.

In other news:
1. A coral snake decided to join my daughters and I yesterday morning while we were enjoying the morning outside. For those of you who don’t know what a coral snake is, it’s venomous. It’s often mistaken for the king snake because they are patterned similarly. Red, yellow and black rings. Thank god I remembered the old rhyme! “If red touches yellow, you’re a dead fellow. If red touches black, it’s a friend of jack.” Animal control wasn’t able to get it out of its hiding spot, so I’m still in no rush to go in our backyard.
2. The goob is all signed up for kindergarten. Where have the last almost SIX YEARS gone?!
3. Link will be coming home soon. Not super soon, but the countdown has started!

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I have been having some issues recently with body image and weight and motivation. I have friends who are very supportive and will do everything they can to help me. I have friends who don’t really “get it” and try to be supportive but don’t really know how. I have friends who are jealous of my successes and have openly told me so. I have tried to be as honest in this blog as I can be. I’m a work In progress and I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s always going to be.
What I don’t like it how low I think of myself on a daily basis. No number of compliments will break this feeling of I’m constantly letting myself down. The guilt I feel on any given day is ridiculous. I’m a work in progress. I am not looking for compliments. I am trying to get my brain to do this major switch that it just doesn’t seem to want to do. Yea, part of this is from my weight. But only part.
While unpacking, i found my still good prescription for phentermine. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an appetite suppressant. I am not one who believes in the magic pill. But, I do believe it will (and has) given back to me my lost motivation. So, I’ve decided that since I am not training at the level/intensity I was training at before, I am going to finish my prescription. There will be nay-sayers, but this is my choice. I’m at an all too familiar feeling of “I can’t lose weight past 155lb.” I know I’m capable of losing it, now I just need to figure out how to get there.


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