If not for the skinny jeans…

Posts Tagged ‘exercise

I have been having some issues recently with body image and weight and motivation. I have friends who are very supportive and will do everything they can to help me. I have friends who don’t really “get it” and try to be supportive but don’t really know how. I have friends who are jealous of my successes and have openly told me so. I have tried to be as honest in this blog as I can be. I’m a work In progress and I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s always going to be.
What I don’t like it how low I think of myself on a daily basis. No number of compliments will break this feeling of I’m constantly letting myself down. The guilt I feel on any given day is ridiculous. I’m a work in progress. I am not looking for compliments. I am trying to get my brain to do this major switch that it just doesn’t seem to want to do. Yea, part of this is from my weight. But only part.
While unpacking, i found my still good prescription for phentermine. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an appetite suppressant. I am not one who believes in the magic pill. But, I do believe it will (and has) given back to me my lost motivation. So, I’ve decided that since I am not training at the level/intensity I was training at before, I am going to finish my prescription. There will be nay-sayers, but this is my choice. I’m at an all too familiar feeling of “I can’t lose weight past 155lb.” I know I’m capable of losing it, now I just need to figure out how to get there.


Before you read any further, you can rest assured this is not a debbie-downer post. ¬†ūüôā ¬†(It’s also not my most upbeat post either) (also, it may seem similar to my last post, but this is more about the why’s)

If you’ve been following along for a little bit, you’ll remember this post. ¬†I can say without a doubt that it was during that one meal that all my motivation went out the window. ¬†And then it snowballed. ¬†One thing after another, after another. ¬†It sucked.

I had a wonderful vacation and even found my new house!  But, honestly, things just never picked up to how they were.

I can’t say for certain what happened in my noggin, but whatever it is, it has been damn near impossible to fix. ¬†(Notice I said “near”)

Sitting in my bed last night, chatting with one of my besties, I realized what my problem was, and then had my thoughts spoken for me by my trainer.  My emotions have gotten all out of whack.  I am a very emotional person, whether or not I show it.

I have been within the same 10 lb range since January. ¬†My jean size had dropped to a 6, and I’m now back at an 8. ¬†I am constantly comparing myself to strangers, and even worse, my friends.

I realized last night that my mentality had completely shifted, and not for the good. ¬†“I’m just gonna gain it all back so why not eat that brownie/cake/cookie/extra slice…” (you get the point) ¬†I’m glad I’m realizing this now instead of AFTER I would have gained the weight.

I’ve acknowledged that I’m at a motivational/emotional low point in my journey. ¬†I’ve said on more than one occasion that motivation is not a stagnant idea. ¬†It waxes and wanes like the moon.

Just to put this down on paper though, I think these are some of my triggers:

1. I set my expectations higher than I was willing to work for

2. The stress from the upcoming move (next week, eeeek)

3. It’s summer break and I’m not used to having to entertain both of my kids at the same time

4. I’m already feeling like I’ll be “lost” without Nick…¬†

5. I’m nervous I will gain the weight back since I seem to found a “comfortable” weight

6. I’m frustrated that I have to work so hard and either (a) those around me don’t appreciate my efforts or (b) those around me aren’t supporting my lifestyle that I’m TRYING to live…

7. I’m currently watching my two kiddos (ages 1 and 5) as well as my nieces (ages 3 and 7) and getting enough exercise in as well as the right foods is way harder than I thought it would be

I’m hoping that I can get back on track once things have settled down. ¬†There are only so many things that¬†are in my control that I have to learn how to deal with the things that I¬†can’t control. ¬†My marathon training starts Tuesday… and yes, I’m very nervous about it. ¬†One of my biggest stressors about that is that I’m supposed to run my first 6 miles the same day I am to start the move… ¬†I do know that if I’m not going to make it far at all in this training if I don’t change some things though. ¬†

**I’d love to hear your comments/stories about any setbacks you had and how you overcame them!**

I don’t get to post many of these because, well, I’m the one working out! ¬†Nick was nice enough to get these for me. ¬†I did have a slight injury to my left groin area after working out on Saturday. ¬†It was bad enough I had to cut the training short, but it’s doing much better now. ¬†At my training I made sure to tell Nick if it was being bothered or not and we adjusted the exercise as necessary.

He’s got me doing all sorts of exercises, but the pictured ones below are just a straight leg dead lift and lunges. ¬†The step is there because I can ¬†go further than my toes and deeper in my lunges thanks to my flexibility. ¬†And thanks to my flexibility and Nick knowing how flexible I am, he makes me get the FULL range of motion when working out. ¬†I hear “go deeper” or “further down” almost every time I train with him. ¬†(Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself!!)

In any case, here are the pictures as promised!

photo 1photo 3


Wanna know what else is cool?? ¬†Or at least I think it is…

See the bulge in the middle of my hamstring? ¬†That is apparently the “bicep femoris.” ¬†Bicep makes you think of your arm right? ¬†Two and two together… ¬†That muscle basically reacts like your arm bicep! ¬†And you can see mine now!! ¬†Yay.

And just for reference:

Screen Shot 2013-05-28 at 11.58.49 AM

I was going through some of my old weight watchers goodies and I realized something. ¬†I have been working on improving myself has hit it’s one year anniversary.

Yes, I have been dealing with my weight for a¬†number¬†years now, but I’ve got actual documentation from weight watchers. ¬†When I joined weight watchers it was May 12, 2012 and I weighed 188.8 pounds. ¬†I was roughly 6 weeks post-partum and miserably tired.

I am 155 pounds (give or take depending on the day LOL) and I’m happy. ¬†Honestly happy. ¬†There was a time that I was so frustrated with my scale that I was honestly depressed I “couldn’t” lose weight anymore. ¬†I am at my body’s comfort zone right now. ¬†And I’m okay with that. ¬†I am in a size 6 (I just found that out yesterday!!) and I’m the smallest and strongest I’ve ever been. ¬†I’m toned. ¬†I have confidence in myself. ¬†So much so that I’ve signed up for a marathon of all things!!

I don’t count my points anymore, but I do watch my caloric intake, as well as watching my macro nutrients. ¬†I drink anywhere between a half and whole gallon of water a day, and if I don’t, I’ve got a headache the whole next day. ¬†My diet is roughly 70% clean and that works for me and my family.

In order to celebrate this “anniversary” here are some things I’ve learned along the way:

  • You can’t out-exercise a bad diet
  • Sometimes you need to give yourself a break, indulge and get back on the wagon
  • Food intake has been the absolute hardest part of changing my lifestyle
  • Forgive yourself, you are not perfect
  • Drink water. ¬†Drink when you’re thirsty. ¬†Drink when you’re hungry. ¬†Drink when you THINK your hungry. ¬†Just drink!
  • You will have set backs. ¬†You will over indulge and love every single taste. ¬†You’ll feel like crap shortly after. ¬†You will be fine and you just need to put that in the memory bank for the next time you want to eat the whole batch of delicious cupcakes you make for you daughter’s birthday ūüėČ
  • Lift weights and lift heavy!
  • push your limits
  • find yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually. ¬†it makes a difference
  • You can’t plan out every single day and expect it to actually work every single day. ¬†work with the challenges. ¬†they make you stronger
  • a little retail therapy when you’ve lost your motivation can go a long way
  • planning = success
  • TAKE EVERY SINGLE COMPLIMENT YOU ARE GIVEN. ¬†(and don’t be so stingy with them either)
  • You are more important than what the scale reads. ¬†You will plateau on the scale but not in reality.
  • Take progress pictures!!

Okay I should probably stop. ¬†Yes, I’ve learned a lot. ¬†Some of them are more at the front of my brain than others, but they are in there regardless.

If you are on your own journey, I wish you all the best!

I had to take a week off! ¬†From what? ¬†Well, apparently everything! ¬†I ate what I wanted. ¬†I didn’t track any of it. ¬†I cried from the loneliness. ¬†I laughed with my kids. ¬†I worked my butt off at the gym. ¬†I sat on my butt at home. ¬†I did whatever I felt like. ¬†I didn’t blog any of it. ¬†I didn’t crochet. ¬†I did whatever the mood told me to do. ¬†I stayed up until after midnight numerous nights. ¬†When I was tired, I slept. ¬†It was just a week off.

Link is gone, again. ¬†Playing in the sandbox, so I’m back to missing him horribly. ¬†I had a baby maker scare right as he was leaving, but yay, no buns in this oven! ¬†(note – we do want more, just not yet… ¬†The littlest one is only 14 months old!!) ¬†I was literally finding every excuse in the book to justify what it was I was doing, be it for my own improvement, or more likely, when it wasn’t.

But the scare is over. ¬†My training has picked up again. ¬†Nick wants all my workouts to be super-secret spy stuff so we can shock the world with my massive improvements. ¬†LOL ¬†Not really, but we are keeping the workouts under wraps for the time being. ¬†Just know, he’s quite literally working my booty off and up! ¬†Even with this past week being crap as far as my diet was concerned, I am still really excited to take and post my progress pictures. ¬†I think I’m supposed to do them again next weekend. ¬†Since I don’t like the actual action of taking the pictures, I’m only doing them monthly.

I thought I would show a quick little progress picture. ¬†My family took some pictures last July 2012 and we just took some more while Link was here. ¬†I’m quite happy with how everyone has improved. ūüôāImage¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†July 2012

Image      May 2013

I remember once passing a mirror while I was still living in Texas and needing to do a double take.  I sat and analyzed myself.  How did I let myself get so unhealthy?  When did I stop caring?

Of course I banked on the excuse, well, I just had a baby x months ago! ¬†Of course I’d have a little extra fluff. ¬†But staring at myself that day, there were no excuses. ¬†I hated what I saw. ¬†I hated how I felt. ¬†I had to change or my family’s tendencies for diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a slew of other things would be knocking on my door much sooner than I’d ever be ready for. ¬†A doctor had once told me that I was pre-diabetic, but not to worry about. ¬†She said it was probably caused by not really watching what I had been eating for the previous few days. ¬†We decided I would watch my diet over the course of two weeks and come back to see if there were any changes. ¬†I was scared enough that I ate supremely well. ¬†I got more blood drawn and low and behold, no problems. ¬†GREAT!

You’d think that would scare me onto the right path. ¬†Nope. ¬†I went right back to my old ways and sat looking at myself in that mirror. ¬†Depressed and resenting all the choices I had made that had gotten me to what I was seeing on that day. ¬†

That was over a year ago now.

Since then, I have lost over 40 pounds, I’m back to endurance training and can run 3-5 miles without huffing and puffing the whole way. ¬†I’m strength training for numerous reasons. ¬†I’ve lost over 5 inches from my hips alone! ¬†I’ve got a ton of energy (most days) and I sleep soundly when I’m supposed to. ¬†My body fat has dropped from somewhere around 35% (although I’m not positive of this) to roughly 24%. ¬†

I still have moments that I get upset I don’t have amazing results. ¬†But then I think, what I’ve accomplished in one year IS amazing! ¬†I need to (consistently) remind myself that I have made some serious changes to my life. ¬†Yes, the scale is stuck and possibly glued to a certain number, but I know now that results are more than just what that scale says.

Results aren’t always as steadfast as numbers. ¬†Those are just the easiest indicators to find that you’re going in the right direction. ¬†Mood, sleep quality, energy…. how would you quantify that?

I no longer want to be¬†skinny. ¬†I want to be¬†strong, fit and healthy.¬† My girls and my family see the changes in me and they have noted the positive effects they’ve had on me. ¬†I will never go back to that person I stared at over a year ago.

I took this picture yesterday at the gym. ¬†I can’t wait for more date nights to rock some heels with these calves ūüôā


I have been taking before and after shots since I started working with Nick. ¬†Just recently I had a meltdown because I wasn’t seeing/feeling any different. ¬†I knew I was getting stronger, but I didn’t feel like I was getting any leaner. ¬†I was frustrated and complaining to both Link and Nick about it. ¬†Frustrated doesn’t even really come close to how I felt to be honest.

I am all for getting stronger. ¬†I have been promoting the benefits of lifting for some time now. ¬†I love the benefits I’ve been reaping thanks to lifting. ¬†I apparently still need some help to get over my mental road blocks. ¬†I still find myself turning to food to help deal with stress. ¬†I still see myself as “chubby” and I am very critical of myself.

Here are my original before and afters:


It took Tom pointing out the difference because I honestly could not see them. ¬†I see them now and feel crazy for not having seen it before. ¬†No, they’re not drastic, but they don’t need to be! ¬†It’s progress and that’s what I need to be concerned with!

I showed them to Nick as well. ¬†He made a valid point… I need to get out of the shorts! ¬†How am I going to see the progress in my legs if I’ve covered them up? ¬†I have always had major insecurities with the “thickness” of my legs and booty, which is why I put the shorts on. ¬†So, I’ve got¬†new before pictures. ¬†In a triangle bikini no less. ¬†I took them last night and it was like some weird form of torture. ¬†I like being on the seeing side of the camera, not the seen. ¬†I cannot thank Link enough for helping me with them. ¬†I felt awkward and exposed. ¬†Not the best feeling in the world, let me tell you.

But, after looking at them, I can see even without pictures to compare them to, I know I’ve made progress. ¬†Of course there are things I don’t like. ¬†I’m trying¬†really hard to not focus on those parts. ¬†In order to keep with the whole honesty idea of this blog, I’m sharing these pictures with you. ¬†And I may or may not be planning to compete in an ACTUAL fitness competition come September which is where the poses are coming from.

oh, and um, don’t mind my crazy, it’s way past my bedtime hair ūüėČ

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I have been going back and forth recently trying to decide if I want my body fat calculated. The bigger part (giggling here) sounds off with a loud resounding YES! I need to know where I’m starting from in order to get where I’m going.

Then there is the other part. The part that is scared of the truth. I have no idea how knowing my body fat will affect me emotionally and that scares me.

I have found numerous ways to calculate your body fat. Each system has its own degree of error. Here are some of the tests I have found:

(1) Body Mass Index – otherwise known as BMI. ¬†This is the LEAST accurate assessment of a person’s body fat. ¬†It is simply a height to weight ratio that gives a general idea of your health. ¬†It does not take into account a person’s lean muscle versus body fat. ¬†My BMI is 26.8 (overweight). ¬†You can find your BMI here.

(2) Weight Scales – There are numerous scales available now that can quickly give you your body fat. ¬†Some are fancier than others. ¬†The inaccuracies with this one come with consistency. ¬†You should always weigh yourself at the same time of the day, as well as similar clothing (or lack thereof). ¬†With that being said, when using a scale that can analyze an individual’s body fat, how hydrated the person is can alter the results. ¬†I have the Weight Watchers scale and according to this scale, my body fat is 32.2%.

(3) Circumference measurements – These are the body measurements you take with a measuring tape. ¬†The do have the capability to be inaccurate if the “tester” (normally yourself) does not consistently measure in the same place every time. ¬†To get the best readings, a tester needs to take the same measurement three times and get the average of the three measurements. ¬†I found this online calculator if you’re interested in this technique. ¬†My body fat according to this technique was 24.2%.

(4) Skin Fold/Calipers – This method uses a device to physically measure the thickness of your skin folds are specified locations. ¬†There are one-site tests all the way up to nine-site tests (that I have found). ¬†Like the tape measuring, using a different tester or if the tester doesn’t consistently use the same place, the results can be inaccurate. ¬†I recently bought a caliper and doing a three-site test (with Link’s help), my body fat was 25%. ¬†If you have a caliper at home and are curious to find out what those numbers mean and how to get the measurements, you can read about it here, calculator included.

(5) Bod Pod – This is the one I knew the least about when I started looking around. ¬†I knew about hydrostatic testing (which is the next bullet down) and the Bod Pod is similar to that… at least in theory. ¬†The big difference? ¬†One is done in water, the other one is not. ¬†The Bod Pod is a capsule of sorts you sit in and once the capsule is sealed it takes numerous measurements and prints out a pretty little reading of you body’s make up. ¬†It claims to be as effective at the hydrostatic testing. ¬†I don’t personally believe it. ¬†On two separate occasions I found the readings to be way off on two different women. ¬†You can read their posts here and here. ¬†I think I would still like to have it done simply as a “just to know” situation.

(6) Hydrostatic Testing – This is the gold standard for body fat testing. ¬†You are submerged underwater and the readings are analyzed. ¬†I know that’s a really simple explanation of the process, but sometimes it’s just better to leave things simple. ¬†As soon as I can find a location that can do this without breaking the bank, I will be doing this!

Regardless of how I chose to ultimately track my body fat going down, I just have to keep in mind that consistency is key. ¬†As long as the numbers are going down, they are at least giving some indication that I, and you, are on the right path! ¬†If you’d like more information or have any questions about any of these, just post your questions! ¬†I’m really intrigued by this particular topic and would love your feedback! ¬†What’s your preferred choice?

First and foremost: LINK IS HOME!!! His two week “vacation” started this morning, so I was crazy getting the house and kids ready, which is more or less the reason I haven’t posted much in the past week (ish).

Now, onto blog business. A quick update with my “no scale” challenge. It’s been hard. Honestly. I hate not knowing how much I weigh. At one point, a couple of weeks ago, Nick wanted to get my stats, so I found out then what my weight was, and seriously, it was like getting taking a huge breath after you’ve been underwater to that point just before you know you might want to consider coming up for air. I haven’t looked since though. I’m starting to feel the “itch” though. LOL May 4th is the day my scale comes back out. One more week.

On Friday Nick decided it was a good day to work my entire back half. Wow. Lots of dead lifts. Lots and lots of dead lifts. I was actually able to do 185 pounds, whereas last week I could only do 165 pounds. 20 pound difference in a week? I’ll take it! I try to tell myself those are the numbers that matter, even if it doesn’t sink in every time.

We also did some ab work on the TRX. It’s a great training area/device/contraption/torture device if you can find the right form. Some of the exercises are a bit hard to find the right form, at least for me they are, but I think that’s what I’m going to start working on because I really do like how it works.

I’ve included a couple of pictures that Nick took while I was working with cables and while on the TRX.

—Take care of your body, it’s the only one you have!

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verb: 1. To surge over and submerge; engulf      2. To affect deeply in mind or emotion      3. To present with an excessive amount      4. To turn over; upset

Yesterday I was reading this article and one word just stuck out like a sore effin thumb. ¬†Overwhelmed. ¬†I continued to read the article and for the life of me, I just couldn’t get that word out of my head.

I thought the article was great, as is most of the articles I read from that site, but I knew a nerve had been struck.  I am not the kind of person who asks for help.  I try my damnedest to do things on my own.  Independence is a big deal for me.  Then, to admit that maybe, just maybe, I bit off more than I could chew, yeaaaa, that never happens.  I just suck it up, stress the crap out, and move on while doing whatever it was I set out to do.

So in the short of it, yes, I am overwhelmed. ¬†I’m dealing with Link’s deployment. ¬†I’m dealing with trying to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with my two girls. ¬†I’m dealing with a baby who has been teething for 9 months. ¬†I’m dealing with living in my parents’ home and trying not disturb their lifestyle too much. ¬†I’m dealing with losing weight. ¬†I’m dealing with becoming healthy. ¬†I’m dealing with starting school in the fall to finish my bachelor’s. ¬†I’m dealing with the fact that the next year is going to fly by with a move, a redeployment, school, and holidays all following each other in close succession.

But… I am dealing. ¬†I am managing. ¬†I am frustrated. ¬†I am happy. ¬†I am tired. ¬†I am strong. ¬†I am ready for a break LOL

I am trying to focus on the small things again. ¬†Getting a workout in, however small, at least 4 days a week. ¬†Keeping the processed food away from me. ¬†Accept my mistakes and learn from them. ¬†There isn’t much I can do in reference to my school until June so that one I just have to let go until then. ¬†Link’s R&R is next week, so that will help¬†tremendously!!

One day at a time…

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