Posts Tagged ‘exercise’
Phentermine
Posted on: August 2, 2013
I have been having some issues recently with body image and weight and motivation. I have friends who are very supportive and will do everything they can to help me. I have friends who don’t really “get it” and try to be supportive but don’t really know how. I have friends who are jealous of my successes and have openly told me so. I have tried to be as honest in this blog as I can be. I’m a work In progress and I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s always going to be.
What I don’t like it how low I think of myself on a daily basis. No number of compliments will break this feeling of I’m constantly letting myself down. The guilt I feel on any given day is ridiculous. I’m a work in progress. I am not looking for compliments. I am trying to get my brain to do this major switch that it just doesn’t seem to want to do. Yea, part of this is from my weight. But only part.
While unpacking, i found my still good prescription for phentermine. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an appetite suppressant. I am not one who believes in the magic pill. But, I do believe it will (and has) given back to me my lost motivation. So, I’ve decided that since I am not training at the level/intensity I was training at before, I am going to finish my prescription. There will be nay-sayers, but this is my choice. I’m at an all too familiar feeling of “I can’t lose weight past 155lb.” I know I’m capable of losing it, now I just need to figure out how to get there.
Emotionally, this sucks
Posted on: July 13, 2013
Before you read any further, you can rest assured this is not a debbie-downer post. 🙂 (It’s also not my most upbeat post either) (also, it may seem similar to my last post, but this is more about the why’s)
If you’ve been following along for a little bit, you’ll remember this post. I can say without a doubt that it was during that one meal that all my motivation went out the window. And then it snowballed. One thing after another, after another. It sucked.
I had a wonderful vacation and even found my new house! But, honestly, things just never picked up to how they were.
I can’t say for certain what happened in my noggin, but whatever it is, it has been damn near impossible to fix. (Notice I said “near”)
Sitting in my bed last night, chatting with one of my besties, I realized what my problem was, and then had my thoughts spoken for me by my trainer. My emotions have gotten all out of whack. I am a very emotional person, whether or not I show it.
I have been within the same 10 lb range since January. My jean size had dropped to a 6, and I’m now back at an 8. I am constantly comparing myself to strangers, and even worse, my friends.
I realized last night that my mentality had completely shifted, and not for the good. “I’m just gonna gain it all back so why not eat that brownie/cake/cookie/extra slice…” (you get the point) I’m glad I’m realizing this now instead of AFTER I would have gained the weight.
I’ve acknowledged that I’m at a motivational/emotional low point in my journey. I’ve said on more than one occasion that motivation is not a stagnant idea. It waxes and wanes like the moon.
Just to put this down on paper though, I think these are some of my triggers:
1. I set my expectations higher than I was willing to work for
2. The stress from the upcoming move (next week, eeeek)
3. It’s summer break and I’m not used to having to entertain both of my kids at the same time
4. I’m already feeling like I’ll be “lost” without Nick…
5. I’m nervous I will gain the weight back since I seem to found a “comfortable” weight
6. I’m frustrated that I have to work so hard and either (a) those around me don’t appreciate my efforts or (b) those around me aren’t supporting my lifestyle that I’m TRYING to live…
7. I’m currently watching my two kiddos (ages 1 and 5) as well as my nieces (ages 3 and 7) and getting enough exercise in as well as the right foods is way harder than I thought it would be
I’m hoping that I can get back on track once things have settled down. There are only so many things that are in my control that I have to learn how to deal with the things that I can’t control. My marathon training starts Tuesday… and yes, I’m very nervous about it. One of my biggest stressors about that is that I’m supposed to run my first 6 miles the same day I am to start the move… I do know that if I’m not going to make it far at all in this training if I don’t change some things though.
**I’d love to hear your comments/stories about any setbacks you had and how you overcame them!**
Workout pictures!!
Posted on: May 28, 2013
I don’t get to post many of these because, well, I’m the one working out! Nick was nice enough to get these for me. I did have a slight injury to my left groin area after working out on Saturday. It was bad enough I had to cut the training short, but it’s doing much better now. At my training I made sure to tell Nick if it was being bothered or not and we adjusted the exercise as necessary.
He’s got me doing all sorts of exercises, but the pictured ones below are just a straight leg dead lift and lunges. The step is there because I can go further than my toes and deeper in my lunges thanks to my flexibility. And thanks to my flexibility and Nick knowing how flexible I am, he makes me get the FULL range of motion when working out. I hear “go deeper” or “further down” almost every time I train with him. (Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself!!)
In any case, here are the pictures as promised!
Wanna know what else is cool?? Or at least I think it is…
See the bulge in the middle of my hamstring? That is apparently the “bicep femoris.” Bicep makes you think of your arm right? Two and two together… That muscle basically reacts like your arm bicep! And you can see mine now!! Yay.
And just for reference:
what a week!
Posted on: May 22, 2013
I had to take a week off! From what? Well, apparently everything! I ate what I wanted. I didn’t track any of it. I cried from the loneliness. I laughed with my kids. I worked my butt off at the gym. I sat on my butt at home. I did whatever I felt like. I didn’t blog any of it. I didn’t crochet. I did whatever the mood told me to do. I stayed up until after midnight numerous nights. When I was tired, I slept. It was just a week off.
Link is gone, again. Playing in the sandbox, so I’m back to missing him horribly. I had a baby maker scare right as he was leaving, but yay, no buns in this oven! (note – we do want more, just not yet… The littlest one is only 14 months old!!) I was literally finding every excuse in the book to justify what it was I was doing, be it for my own improvement, or more likely, when it wasn’t.
But the scare is over. My training has picked up again. Nick wants all my workouts to be super-secret spy stuff so we can shock the world with my massive improvements. LOL Not really, but we are keeping the workouts under wraps for the time being. Just know, he’s quite literally working my booty off and up! Even with this past week being crap as far as my diet was concerned, I am still really excited to take and post my progress pictures. I think I’m supposed to do them again next weekend. Since I don’t like the actual action of taking the pictures, I’m only doing them monthly.
I thought I would show a quick little progress picture. My family took some pictures last July 2012 and we just took some more while Link was here. I’m quite happy with how everyone has improved. 🙂
July 2012
May 2013
Getting results
Posted on: May 16, 2013
I remember once passing a mirror while I was still living in Texas and needing to do a double take. I sat and analyzed myself. How did I let myself get so unhealthy? When did I stop caring?
Of course I banked on the excuse, well, I just had a baby x months ago! Of course I’d have a little extra fluff. But staring at myself that day, there were no excuses. I hated what I saw. I hated how I felt. I had to change or my family’s tendencies for diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a slew of other things would be knocking on my door much sooner than I’d ever be ready for. A doctor had once told me that I was pre-diabetic, but not to worry about. She said it was probably caused by not really watching what I had been eating for the previous few days. We decided I would watch my diet over the course of two weeks and come back to see if there were any changes. I was scared enough that I ate supremely well. I got more blood drawn and low and behold, no problems. GREAT!
You’d think that would scare me onto the right path. Nope. I went right back to my old ways and sat looking at myself in that mirror. Depressed and resenting all the choices I had made that had gotten me to what I was seeing on that day.
That was over a year ago now.
Since then, I have lost over 40 pounds, I’m back to endurance training and can run 3-5 miles without huffing and puffing the whole way. I’m strength training for numerous reasons. I’ve lost over 5 inches from my hips alone! I’ve got a ton of energy (most days) and I sleep soundly when I’m supposed to. My body fat has dropped from somewhere around 35% (although I’m not positive of this) to roughly 24%.
I still have moments that I get upset I don’t have amazing results. But then I think, what I’ve accomplished in one year IS amazing! I need to (consistently) remind myself that I have made some serious changes to my life. Yes, the scale is stuck and possibly glued to a certain number, but I know now that results are more than just what that scale says.
Results aren’t always as steadfast as numbers. Those are just the easiest indicators to find that you’re going in the right direction. Mood, sleep quality, energy…. how would you quantify that?
I no longer want to be skinny. I want to be strong, fit and healthy. My girls and my family see the changes in me and they have noted the positive effects they’ve had on me. I will never go back to that person I stared at over a year ago.
I took this picture yesterday at the gym. I can’t wait for more date nights to rock some heels with these calves 🙂
Um… Time to bare it…
Posted on: May 6, 2013
I have been taking before and after shots since I started working with Nick. Just recently I had a meltdown because I wasn’t seeing/feeling any different. I knew I was getting stronger, but I didn’t feel like I was getting any leaner. I was frustrated and complaining to both Link and Nick about it. Frustrated doesn’t even really come close to how I felt to be honest.
I am all for getting stronger. I have been promoting the benefits of lifting for some time now. I love the benefits I’ve been reaping thanks to lifting. I apparently still need some help to get over my mental road blocks. I still find myself turning to food to help deal with stress. I still see myself as “chubby” and I am very critical of myself.
Here are my original before and afters:
It took Tom pointing out the difference because I honestly could not see them. I see them now and feel crazy for not having seen it before. No, they’re not drastic, but they don’t need to be! It’s progress and that’s what I need to be concerned with!
I showed them to Nick as well. He made a valid point… I need to get out of the shorts! How am I going to see the progress in my legs if I’ve covered them up? I have always had major insecurities with the “thickness” of my legs and booty, which is why I put the shorts on. So, I’ve got new before pictures. In a triangle bikini no less. I took them last night and it was like some weird form of torture. I like being on the seeing side of the camera, not the seen. I cannot thank Link enough for helping me with them. I felt awkward and exposed. Not the best feeling in the world, let me tell you.
But, after looking at them, I can see even without pictures to compare them to, I know I’ve made progress. Of course there are things I don’t like. I’m trying really hard to not focus on those parts. In order to keep with the whole honesty idea of this blog, I’m sharing these pictures with you. And I may or may not be planning to compete in an ACTUAL fitness competition come September which is where the poses are coming from.
oh, and um, don’t mind my crazy, it’s way past my bedtime hair 😉
Most recent workout
Posted on: April 28, 2013
First and foremost: LINK IS HOME!!! His two week “vacation” started this morning, so I was crazy getting the house and kids ready, which is more or less the reason I haven’t posted much in the past week (ish).
Now, onto blog business. A quick update with my “no scale” challenge. It’s been hard. Honestly. I hate not knowing how much I weigh. At one point, a couple of weeks ago, Nick wanted to get my stats, so I found out then what my weight was, and seriously, it was like getting taking a huge breath after you’ve been underwater to that point just before you know you might want to consider coming up for air. I haven’t looked since though. I’m starting to feel the “itch” though. LOL May 4th is the day my scale comes back out. One more week.
On Friday Nick decided it was a good day to work my entire back half. Wow. Lots of dead lifts. Lots and lots of dead lifts. I was actually able to do 185 pounds, whereas last week I could only do 165 pounds. 20 pound difference in a week? I’ll take it! I try to tell myself those are the numbers that matter, even if it doesn’t sink in every time.
We also did some ab work on the TRX. It’s a great training area/device/contraption/torture device if you can find the right form. Some of the exercises are a bit hard to find the right form, at least for me they are, but I think that’s what I’m going to start working on because I really do like how it works.
I’ve included a couple of pictures that Nick took while I was working with cables and while on the TRX.
—Take care of your body, it’s the only one you have!
overwhelmed
Posted on: April 23, 2013
verb: 1. To surge over and submerge; engulf 2. To affect deeply in mind or emotion 3. To present with an excessive amount 4. To turn over; upset
Yesterday I was reading this article and one word just stuck out like a sore effin thumb. Overwhelmed. I continued to read the article and for the life of me, I just couldn’t get that word out of my head.
I thought the article was great, as is most of the articles I read from that site, but I knew a nerve had been struck. I am not the kind of person who asks for help. I try my damnedest to do things on my own. Independence is a big deal for me. Then, to admit that maybe, just maybe, I bit off more than I could chew, yeaaaa, that never happens. I just suck it up, stress the crap out, and move on while doing whatever it was I set out to do.
So in the short of it, yes, I am overwhelmed. I’m dealing with Link’s deployment. I’m dealing with trying to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with my two girls. I’m dealing with a baby who has been teething for 9 months. I’m dealing with living in my parents’ home and trying not disturb their lifestyle too much. I’m dealing with losing weight. I’m dealing with becoming healthy. I’m dealing with starting school in the fall to finish my bachelor’s. I’m dealing with the fact that the next year is going to fly by with a move, a redeployment, school, and holidays all following each other in close succession.
But… I am dealing. I am managing. I am frustrated. I am happy. I am tired. I am strong. I am ready for a break LOL
I am trying to focus on the small things again. Getting a workout in, however small, at least 4 days a week. Keeping the processed food away from me. Accept my mistakes and learn from them. There isn’t much I can do in reference to my school until June so that one I just have to let go until then. Link’s R&R is next week, so that will help tremendously!!
One day at a time…
If not for the skinny jeans... 