If not for the skinny jeans…

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as well as my resolve it seems. 

I have been naughty, indulging on oreos and other sweets.  Cookies always were, and probably always will be, my nemesis.  Will power???  What’s that?! 

I have really let my goals go and have been putting myself at the bottom on my priority list.  They say the first step to getting over a problem is admitting there is a problem.  I rarely go to the gym about it, get frustrated with myself, attempt to justify it with my horrendous school work load, and then eat.

I got on the scale recently and was not happy.  While it is only a few pounds gained, it was enough to for me to go, something has to stop.  I’m still trying to figure this out.  Obvious, cookies need to stop mysteriously  coming into my house!  (Just yesterday, I got ding dong ditched and the culprit left a WHOLE BOX OF OREOS!)  I’ve got a unit party coming up and the theme is a cookie exchange.  I feel like I need to go in there with duct tape over my mouth!

I have always been a stress/emotional eater.  It’s a horrible coping mechanism.  I’m hoping that once this semester calms down I’ll be able to center again and find out and plan exactly what I need to do to get back on track.

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If you’re anything like me, you’re overwhelmed with all the news for various foods and the benefits and risks of consuming.  Eat this, drink that, lose weight, improve your heart, reduce your chances for disease….

I’ve got extremist friends on either side of the nutritional realms.  I’ve got some that say they’re going to enjoy life and eat and drink whatever they want, however much they want.  Then the others that have researched every single food out there and refuse to eat anything that has been touched by man (except to be picked out of the ground).  The majority of my friends though are like me… somewhere in the middle.  I do tend (and try) to lean closer to my more “holistic” friends, but I’ll still eat fast food, drink beer, and have cake at a birthday party.

That being said, I do get irritated when people question what I am, or not, eating.  I know what works for me.  I know what makes me feel yucky (dairy) and I know what things my belly can handle.  I know whether or not what I’m eating will help or hinder my health goals.  My choices.  My life.  I don’t want to research all the bad stuff.  If it were THAT bad it wouldn’t be on the market.  Are there better options?  Pretty positive there are, but I’ve made it this far so I’ll be okay.

I’m glad I’ve had a bit of a break.  I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a couple of fitness competitors, and know, with unwavering certainty, that is NOT for me.  I do have a body fat goal I’d like to meet, but it’s well outside of competition standards.  Watching my macros as meticulously as they need to… well that’s just a pain in the ass to be honest.  I’m not tracking my foods.  I am trying to keep things whole, with a bit of processed in there for convenience.  I do get a sense of satisfaction creating a meal that is wholesome that I made from scratch.

I am fortunate that I do not have any real dietary restrictions.  I can eat gluten and dairy.  I don’t have any food allergies.  My nutrition is for my overall health.  And I know what works for me.

–Have you added or cut anything from your daily diet in attempts to increase your nutritional health?

Hello out there!!  First, sorry for not being on top of my little blog.  I started school full time and well, it’s just a wee bit harder (and more time consuming) than I thought I’d be.  For those interested, I am working towards a Bachelors of Science in Mathematics, with a concentration in general mathematics and education.  Long title, simple meaning… I’m striving to be a high school math teacher 🙂  Right now my classes are economics, astronomy, calculus (2), and the foundations of mathematics.

My course load and family life have unfortunately made my health goals start to fall by the wayside.  Luckily I haven’t gained any weight, but my motivation is basically non-existent.  That is, until last week.

I started looking through some of my older pictures and saw how fit I had gotten.  I could definition in places there had NEVER been definition.  I had curves in all the “right” places.  I looked, and better yet, FELT, amazing!  I also looked at some of my “before” pictures.  I realized I’m only a donut, candy piece, or pizza slice away from “treats” becoming habits.  I let myself indulge with my husband, and now I’m feeling the effects, both mentally/emotionally and physically.

I’ve started a satellite program with Nick.  He’s my go-to!  I will always trust his judgement.  I’ve got my goals and what better time frame to strive to reach them then while overcoming the holiday “obstacles”??  I have actually joined a DietBet that is 6 months long.  Essentially, you are betting on yourself that you will lose the x% of bodyweight by the given date.  For this challenge, or bet, its 10% in 6months, or roughly 15 lbs for me by May.  It’ll hold me accountable, and at this point, I need all the help I can get!!

How do you get over your slumps??

Well, I’m coming up on being on phentermine for a week now. I’ve lost about 7 pounds. That’s honestly a little too quick for me, so I’m going to start taking a half dose everyday. It has seriously curbed my appetite, which is good and bad. I don’t snack at all anymore, which is good. But I also have next to no appetite so I’m not eating enough at each meal either. That latter reason is more of the reason I’m going to drop the dosage to half.

I still haven’t made it into a gym and to be completely honest I doubt I will go to the gym before school starts. On a plus side though, UTSA has a great weight room!!! I’m looking forward to getting back in there! I have set up a little fitness area in my bedroom that include a yoga mat, resistance bands, two different size stability balls, a Pilates circle, two jump ropes, numerous DVDs, and my foam roller. I’ve been getting some sort of workout in a few days a week, but nothing like I was before. I can already see and feel a difference in my body from not lifting, and it sucks. At this point though, something is better than nothing, and since I can’t really attack my workouts like I want to, I’ve put a lot of focus on my nutrition and making sure I’m eating as clean as I can.

In other news:
1. A coral snake decided to join my daughters and I yesterday morning while we were enjoying the morning outside. For those of you who don’t know what a coral snake is, it’s venomous. It’s often mistaken for the king snake because they are patterned similarly. Red, yellow and black rings. Thank god I remembered the old rhyme! “If red touches yellow, you’re a dead fellow. If red touches black, it’s a friend of jack.” Animal control wasn’t able to get it out of its hiding spot, so I’m still in no rush to go in our backyard.
2. The goob is all signed up for kindergarten. Where have the last almost SIX YEARS gone?!
3. Link will be coming home soon. Not super soon, but the countdown has started!

I have been having some issues recently with body image and weight and motivation. I have friends who are very supportive and will do everything they can to help me. I have friends who don’t really “get it” and try to be supportive but don’t really know how. I have friends who are jealous of my successes and have openly told me so. I have tried to be as honest in this blog as I can be. I’m a work In progress and I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s always going to be.
What I don’t like it how low I think of myself on a daily basis. No number of compliments will break this feeling of I’m constantly letting myself down. The guilt I feel on any given day is ridiculous. I’m a work in progress. I am not looking for compliments. I am trying to get my brain to do this major switch that it just doesn’t seem to want to do. Yea, part of this is from my weight. But only part.
While unpacking, i found my still good prescription for phentermine. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an appetite suppressant. I am not one who believes in the magic pill. But, I do believe it will (and has) given back to me my lost motivation. So, I’ve decided that since I am not training at the level/intensity I was training at before, I am going to finish my prescription. There will be nay-sayers, but this is my choice. I’m at an all too familiar feeling of “I can’t lose weight past 155lb.” I know I’m capable of losing it, now I just need to figure out how to get there.

While at the gym the other day with Nick, I could see that I had gained weight.  I hadn’t realized that it had gotten that bad.  I was looking at myself thinking, “oh god… have i seriously killed months of hard work just by not paying at much attention??”  I already know how much nutrition is as far as getting fit, and I honestly didn’t think I had gotten so far away from my 80/20.  So I went ahead and weighed myself.  

WHOA!

158 lbs 😦

Now, is that number making me depressed?  Am I saying I am a failure because I’ve gained weight? No and no.

It was a wake up call.  As I’m writing this, I’m making mental notes to repair my slip-ups.  I know that things have been way off schedule for me since Link’s visit in May, but for a while I was still able to manage.  Actually, while he was here, things were great.  It was after that that things started to fall apart.  I saw the signs and didn’t act on it.  Now, I’ve fallen much farther into this “pit” and I’m telling you know, I will climb back out.

I may be covered in mud and exhausted, but I will find my way back out.  I may be frustrated and grabbing for every single branch that lends it’s way towards me, but I will get out.  My nutrition will get back to normal and I will start feeling healthy again.

On a side note: My marathon training starts next week and to tell you I’m nervous doesn’t even start to come close to how I’m feeling about it.  The mileage is 3/3/3/6.  I know I’m not running for time, but I’ve never run over 6 miles.  There will be lots of mental struggles involved with this run.  With this training comes even more reason to fix my nutrition.  I can’t run at my best if I’m not fueling my body with the best fuel I can.

It didn’t, and still doesn’t, feel like much has changed, physically in a year.  Here’s proof that I and my dear friend over at Road to Recovery have both changed.  Now, if only there were a way to see the mental and emotional changes that occurred too!!

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taken July 2012

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taken June 2013

My father loves his garden.  Not so much to eat the goodies that grow, but more just to watch them grow period.  He does have favorites that he will eat like cucumbers and tomatoes, but everything else is more for show.  This year, with my lifestyle changing as much as it has, I asked him if the Goob and I could plant a few things this year.  He was more than happy to accommodate 🙂  The garden, in my opinion is huge… and I love it!  I love getting in there and watching the flowers turn to fruits.  I love the smell of the tomato plants.  I could care less about how dirty I get when I’m in there.  The Goob seems to enjoy it just as much as me, but she’s a little more squeamish about the little buggies that hang out in there.

I decided it was beyond time to show my families garden with all of you wonderful people.  I am so excited to have had this experience, and I know it’s one I’m going to continue once we move.

Contents of the Garden: Beefsteak tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, jalepeños, habeñeros, green and red bell peppers, a peanut bush, lettuce, zucchini, squash and eggplant.  (I think that’s all of them!)

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first harvert from the week of 6/27/13

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the Garden is overseen by the scarecrow…

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… and an owl

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first eggplant of the season

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second harvest from the week of 7/4/13

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my lettuce

I had a wonderful vacation but I was more than ready to get back into the gym and sweat.

And sweat I did!  I don’t know why I thought there would be an “easing in” with Nick, but I was definitely wrong.  Not only is he changing up the training split, but he broke out

the PROWLER

Nick and his dad makes these custom :)

Nick and his dad makes these custom 🙂

I swear, it’s sole purpose is to torture the poor souls who feel they need to be challenged.

I hate admitting this, but I don’t think I would’ve wanted to ease back in.  Nick has been working with me long enough, he knew that.  I like to be challenged.  And yes, one or two (or more than I could count) expletives may have been spoken during the prowler work, but it was worth it.  I needed to be pushed after a week off.

He even thought the workout was “blog worthy” so he was nice enough to snap a few pictures for you lovely folks.  Enjoy!!

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Is there an exercise you just love to hate??

Have you noticed that I haven’t been writing as much about my Whole 30 program?  After that horrible crash a week into I just couldn’t find the momentum to pick it back up.  I decided that while I’m living with my folks, who aren’t the most health conscious people, I will stick to eating as much unprocessed foods as possible, but not deny some of the temptations that surround me.  

I will be moving to be on my own, halfway across the country, and I am feeling good about it, from a nutritional standpoint.  I get to start from fresh.  I don’t have to worry about getting rid of foods I already have so I’m not wasting money.  Over the next few weeks I will be watching my wonderful nieces along with my two little monkeys, and finding foods that all of them like is going to be interesting enough.  

I will do the whole 30, and I will do it for the whole 30 days.  I know I can.  Ultimately though what I want is to just eat with a mindset that is geared more towards fueling and less towards craving satisfaction.  I am not against processed foods, and I have no intentions of getting rid of them entirely.  But, I want to be able to know how much of any one thing I can handle and still maintain a healthy lifestyle.  That’s all I want.  To be healthier.


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